Letter from Another Mother

My bucket list includes writing a letter to everyone I love.  This one is about a special young man.

I have a son and a son from “another mother” like the kids say these days.  In other words, I am blessed to have two sons.

My son Sam bears a strong family resemblance to my husband and his late father.  Sam looks like his dad but has lighter brown hair and is not quite as tall.  He resembles his late grandfather from his profile and stature.  He acts a LOT like his dad, in fact, the older he gets the more he takes on his dad’s mannerisms.

My “other” son, does not really bear a family resemblance, especially in the height department.  At barely 5 feet tall it would seem almost impossible for me to have given birth to this son- he is currently 6’5 and still growing like a weed.  I did not give birth to Connor, I actually only met him when he was in 4th grade and I was still quite a bit taller than he was, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like he is my son.  I love him and worry about him as if he were my own.

The boys met in 4th grade and I have never seen two boys as much alike, they were both smart but ornery, they were both athletic but still struggled to control their young boy bodies.  In fact, Connor tells the story like this: “I walked into the classroom the new kid and looked around for my newest best friend.  There was this squirty boy in the back row that kept falling out of his chair and I thought to myself there he is, my new best friend!”  I am pretty sure that is about how it went too.

Connor lived just a short distance from our house and the boys were soon inseparable.  Their lives revolved around video games, snakes, bikes, Pokemon cards, dirt piles, food and each other.  It stayed this way for years.

In 7th grade Connor’s family moved away and my young sons were heart broken but resilient.  Even though they were now several states away the boys stayed close and spent time together over the summers.

About a year after Connor moved away our family purchased a boat and invited Connor to join us for a week or two at the lake for his visit.  Thankfully his parents were supportive and worked together to make it happen.  It amazed me to see how these two boys could be apart for the entire year but the minute they got together it was as if they had never been separated.  As the years passed their friendship became a bond so tight you’d have thought they were brothers.

It is now an official family ritual that young Connor arrives in the summer and stays as long as he possibly can.  The minute he walks through the kitchen door I feel as if my son has come home.  I am always greeted with a huge hug and an even bigger grin.  As we all catch up over the kitchen island I am treated to a speed version of his life, we cover topics ranging from grades,  grandparents, girlfriends, broken hearts, college visits, and family vacations.

This past summer young Connor came and stayed for 6 weeks.  This was by far the longest visit and I set a few house rules down just in case.  As a mom to two 18 year old boys you can imagine all the trouble they could get into……

The rules were simple.  When you are at my house you are my son and will be treated accordingly.  You will be asked to help clean up, do dishes, take out trash, scoop dog poop, mow yards, babysit the younger sister, walk the dog etc, etc.  Because the visit was for most of the summer the deal also included formal work time.  Both boys would spend their days working at various houses doing everything from weed pulling, painting, planting, tree trimming, deck staining etc.  Work days would start at 7 and go until 5, after that they could hang out with friends, play guitars etc.  When the family played, they got to play and we play hard around these parts.  The first weekend he was here we headed to the mountains for some camping and dirt biking.

It had rained recently and the trails were covered with mud, within minutes both boys were filthy and I have never seen them happier

The second week he was here we headed to the lake for the first of 2 weeks at the lake.  We skied from 10 -5 daily for 11 days straight and they loved it.

While I had son Connor with me this summer I tried to cram as much “mothering” in as I could.  We discussed his grades, expectations for his first semester at college, and his grandparents health.  No topic was off limits.  I figure the only way to teach them is to dive right in and deal with what they are dealing with.

The only rule I had was if they boys did not work hard they did not get to play hard.  If any bad decisions were made by either boy the visit was over and Connor would be placed on the next plane home.  Thankfully they believed me and were just happy to work and play together.  They had an awesome summer and did not cause one bit of trouble.

I cried when I finally had to put Connor on a plane and send him home to his mom.  I did stay in touch this fall with the aid of Facebook and instant messaging.  I even reminded him to get his immunizations finished up over his break.

I know that I actually only gave birth to one boy but it doesn’t matter to my heart.  Connor is part of this family and always will be.  Sometimes I think he wishes I wasn’t so motherly and he is the one who coined the phrase often used in my house that mom was the “funsucker” followed by a loud slurping sound, but none of that matters.  He is in my heart and will always be there.

I am so blessed…

So my friend, I ask you “what’s next on your list?”

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  1. I have one correction to make and one addition to the story,

    Correction: We never “skiied from 10 -5 daily.” We only boarded, surfed, and tubed. Not even you skiied.

    Addition: You failed to mention that it was my first time to really ride a dirt bike and how I very nearly crashed straight into the Ranger that you and Sara were in.

    That will be all.

    • Bucketlistblogger says:

      Correction Approved: We skied, boarded, surfed and tubed from 10-5 daily. I left that part out about you nearly crashing into the Ranger while riding the dirt bike for your mother’s sake dummy! Now she knows and she may not let you come back this summer!

      That will be all too.
      The Bucketlistblogger

  2. The "Other" Mom says:

    My Wonderful Friend and “Mom” to “our” son –
    I cannot explain how much your friendship and family mean to me and to Connor. Thank you for an incredible blog and as the tears stream down my cheeks…thank you so very much for welcoming Connor into your family and sharing all of your love and lives with him! You say you are blessed, but my dear it is Connor whom I hope knows how blessed he is to have become a part of your lives. God bless you!

    • Bucketlistblogger says:

      Gosh I didn’t mean to make you cry but thanks for “sharing” Connor with us especially for 6 weeks last summer. I know that was hard to do!

      Much love,