Letter to My Son

My Son

When you were born you melted my heart in a most unexpected way. Having already been a mother for 27 months I thought I knew what it was like to experience a mothers love. I was wrong. I learned that the love a mother has for each of her children is whole, unconditional and consuming. How can this be? If it is whole how can there be room for more? I don’t understand it, I just felt it. You filled my world with love and the funny thing is that I really thought it was already full.

The love a mother has for her son is totally different than the love she has for a daughter. You were my “little boy blue” all sensitive and kind and yet rough and tumble and always dirty. You were perceptive way beyond your years, like you had the soul of an old wise man in a young boys hole-in-the-knee body. Even at the tiny age of less than two you always seemed to know where you were and how to get home. You knew far better than your big sister when to drop a fight with Mom. I remember you sitting in your booster chair at the table watching as ‘Libith’ as you called her, kept arguing with me over something stupid. She never understood when to drop it, but somehow you did. You said to her “Libith, just stop. Just stop. Life’s tuff Libith.” Profound words for such a tiny little man.

I loved seeing the world through your eyes. Your attention to detail always amazed me. Even as a little guy you studied your history books, learning about Revolutionary War Battles before you could pronounce your words correctly. When we took you to Lexington, MA for a visit you recognized the bridge we took our family Christmas picture on and stated clearly to me that it was in your book at home. Doubting you, I said something like “really,” but when we got home you ran to your room, found your book and showed me the picture. You were right!

Always curious you questioned your world. Constantly exploring bugs, nails, screws, and books, you would develop new ways to play with your cowboys and Indians or army men, it was amazing but you could entertain yourself for hours lost in your own world of make believe.

Almost always happy, unless you were sick or really tired, you were a steady personality in a home filled with the drama of a big sister. You were able to notice things, especially my moods in a way that often took my breath away. On a particularly busy day when I felt rushed and a bit frantic you came up to me unexpectedly and gave me a hug and whispered in my ear, “mom do you need a break?’

You would notice my new hair do or a nice new t-shirt and you’d offer up the kindest and most sincere compliments I have ever received. “Mommy you look solo pretty!” you’d say.

Your world was a busy place full of battles and make- believe worlds. You made fun out of the simplest of games and could play for hours with a dishtowel tied around your neck, playing like you were Batman saving the world.

I used to worry about you because you could not sit still so I would make you practice sitting still on the couch for five minutes at a time. You would prefer to watch TV in a hundred different positions, upside-down, over the back of the couch or sitting on the arm of the chair. It seemed to me your world went racing through life 100 miles per hour. I later came to realize it was your bright mind that was going through life so fast and your body was just struggling keep up. The more active I kept you engaged in learning the more you were able to control your body.

Your instinct to build and design was strong from an early age. One of your earliest favorite toys was your workbench and you would hammer hours away. Then you turned to cowboys and Indians and army men and you would line them up and orchestrate elaborate battles. You’d tie a string to them and drop them down the air vent so that they could make emergency landings or coordinate fancy rescues. As you got a bit older you moved into the world of Lego’s and were able to build anything and everything with only your inquisitive mind and creative energy. I never quite understood how but you could build the fanciest of spaceships or jet planes.

Your kind and gentle style helped you take on a gentle leader role. You led more by example than anything else. You were solid and sure, at peace with yourself and your world. I used to get a kick out of watching you make decisions in life. You would look at your alternatives, logically evaluate things and make a decision. Then you never had buyers remorse, you were good with your choices. I know as you got older, there were times when you questioned things but you always impressed me with your sense of self and purpose.

As a young man you grew even more inquisitive of your world, exploring it through the world of books. Your depth of knowledge even now astounds me when I realize you know so much more than I about many things.

Going forward in life my wish for you is love, happiness, peace and joy. I hope you continue to explore your world, continue to build and create, and continue to have a solid and true sense of self, faith and family. Now that you are a grown man and it is time for you to step out into the world, it is a sad and exciting, strange time for me at the same time. I can’t wait to see what you do to make this world a better place and I am confident that it will amazing. You are no longer my “little boy blue” but in his place I now have a solid, strong man of great integrity and character. What a blessing for a mom!

I love you and I am proud of you. Go make a difference in this world!


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